| 用户 | 论题张贴者: ivo abdman This Rooster Crow Poem Draft Is Good enough? |
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ivo abdman
印度尼西亚
Local time: 22:33
English英语译成Indonesian印度尼西亚语
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Hi all
Continuing my post http://www.proz.com/topic/94817, herewith I enclosed my poem. Would you like to give me any suggestions, critics, comments, and etc regarding the terms I have choosed especially so that the poem could be more life and nice sound in English. Many thanks in advance
Ceker Ayam
Nun jauh di sana ...
Mengawali pagi yang sibuk ...
iN RUSSIA ROOSTER SCREAMS "KU-KA-RRE-KU`"!!!!!
In Spanish they scream "QUIQUIRIQUÍ"
english roosters say Cockle-doodle-dooo! and the Francophone roosters say Co-co-ree-co!
In Germany they say Kikerikie!
and in Finnish kukkokiekuu!
In Dutch:Kukeleku
In Taiwan they crow in the North "Wowowo!" and in the South "Gugugu!"
In Turkish ü-ürü-üüüü
sementara di sini mereka berkokok "ku ku ru yuuuk"
demi menyemangati bokin mereka tercinta dalam memendeli cacing-cacing yang sedang asyik ngulet
dengan modal sepasang ceker jeleknya
demi dua buah hatinya yang masih pitik
yang menciap-ciap meneriakkan amanat perut mereka
Tranlation draft
Chicken Claws
Far away over there ...
Starting the busy morning ...
iN RUSSIA, ROOSTER SCREAMS "KU-KA-RRE-KU`"!!!!!
In Spanish they scream "QUIQUIRIQUÍ"
English roosters say Cockle-doodle-dooo! and the Francophone roosters say Co-co-ree-co!
In Germany they say Kikerikie!
and in Finnish kukkokiekuu!
In Dutch:Kukeleku
In Taiwan they crow in the North "Wowowo!" and in the South "Gugugu!"
In Turkish ü-ürü-üüüü
While here they crow "Ku ku ru yuuuk"
To encourage their beloved mistresses to peck worms enjoying their wake up wiggle
Provided with a pair of her ugly claws
For the sake of the two of her darling baby chicks
tweeting to utter the messages of their tummies
Reff:
1. http://www.proz.com/topic/94817
The terms of interest:
2. bokin (misstress)
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2441719
3. demi buah hatinya --> for the sake of the two of darling baby chicks
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2433956
4. menciap-ciap --> tweeting
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2414290
5. ngulet --> wake up wiggle
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2412187
6. meneriakkan amanat --> utter the messages of
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2418437
7. ceker jeleknya --> her ugly claws
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2416967
8. masih pitik --> baby chicks
http://www.proz.com/kudoz/2419760
[Edited at 2008-02-28 15:32]
 
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Marie-Hélène Hayles 
意大利
Local time: 16:33
  正式会员 (自2004)
Italian意大利语译成English英语
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| | What do you need it for? | Feb 28 |
ivo abdman said:
To encourage their beloved mistresses to peck worms enjoying their wake up wiggle
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For the sake of the two of her darling baby chicks
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Ivo, it's absolutely charming - I'd change it as little as possible, unless you really need to have it completely grammatically correct.
There are a few constructions which aren't native, it's true, but they just add to its charm IMO. The only things I think you do need to change are:
1) use of the word "mistresses", which has a rather unfortunate implication in English. Fortunately you can just say to encourage their beloved to peck worms enjoying their wake-up wiggle.
Love "wake-up wiggle", by the way! (I'd stick a hyphen in, to make its meaning clearer).
2) it should be For the sake of two of her darling baby chicks
[Edited at 2008-02-28 16:02]
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ivo abdman
印度尼西亚
Local time: 22:33
English英语译成Indonesian印度尼西亚语
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| | Thanks, I have new clearer image now about the poem | Feb 28 |
Marie-Hélène Hayles wrote:
1) use of the word "mistresses", which has a rather unfortunate implication in English. Fortunately you can just say to encourage their beloved to peck worms enjoying their wake-up wiggle.
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Thanks, I have new clearer image now about the poem
I agree with the others, but regarding no. 1, would you like to explain me what the unfortunate implication ? I am very need the term of "his illegal wife/lady" there, is your suggestion already address my needs ?
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Marie-Hélène Hayles
意大利
Local time: 16:33
正式会员 (自2004)
Italian意大利语译成English英语
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| | Oh, in that case... | Feb 28 |
ivo abdman wrote:
Marie-Hélène Hayles wrote:
1) use of the word "mistresses", which has a rather unfortunate implication in English. Fortunately you can just say to encourage their beloved to peck worms enjoying their wake-up wiggle.
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Thanks, I have new clearer image now about the poem
I agree with the others, but regarding no. 1, would you like to explain me what the unfortunate implication ? I am very need the term of "his illegal wife/lady" there, is your suggestion already address my needs ? |
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"mistress" is exactly the term you need! Sorry, I assumed you were misusing it, but clearly I was wrong (I hadn't checked out the KudoZ question links  ).
Illegal (or perhaps just illicit) lady is the unfortunate implication I was referring to.
[Edited at 2008-02-28 17:15]
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Russell Jones
英国
Local time: 15:33
正式会员 (自2004)
Italian意大利语译成English英语
| | A british cockerel says: | Feb 28 |
Cock-a-doodle-doo
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JaneTranslates
波多黎各
Local time: 11:33
正式会员 (自2005)
Spanish西班牙语译成English英语
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Russell Jones wrote:
Cock-a-doodle-doo |
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U.S. roosters, noted for their excellent spelling skills, also say "cock-a-doodle-doo," not "cockle-doodle-doo."
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ivo abdman
印度尼西亚
Local time: 22:33
English英语译成Indonesian印度尼西亚语
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| | Is there any ref. or anything backing your both corrections | Feb 29 |
JaneTranslates wrote:
Russell Jones wrote:
Cock-a-doodle-doo |
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U.S. roosters, noted for their excellent spelling skills, also say "cock-a-doodle-doo," not "cockle-doodle-doo." |
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Thanks, for your both accurate aware. Would you like to provide me with ref. or link like wikipedia or anything such that I could change its spell
I always to be opened for additional cockerel or roosters crows from another country like japan or others. Or you could add any suggestions to my KudoZ questions (three questions are still opened)
[Edited at 2008-02-29 04:21]
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Pernille Chapman
英国
Local time: 15:33
正式会员 (自2004)
English英语译成Danish丹麦语
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| | If you want to include a Danish one... | Feb 29 |
...it would probably thank you by saying "kykeliky"!
Good luck with your poem - it's a lovely idea.
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Marie-Hélène Hayles
意大利
Local time: 16:33
正式会员 (自2004)
Italian意大利语译成English英语
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Jack Doughty
英国
Local time: 15:33
会员
Russian俄语译成English英语
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ivo abdman
印度尼西亚
Local time: 22:33
English英语译成Indonesian印度尼西亚语
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| | Kraii - Afrikaan (has been killed while crowing ? :-)) | Feb 29 |
Thanks I found in the site
Kukulushu - Oshindonga
Cock-a-doodle-do - English
Kokora - Heraro
Kikeriki - German
Umsindo - Zulu
Kukurukuu - Damara
Kokokoo - Tswana
Cocorico - French
Cocoricoo - Portugese
Kraii - Afrikaan
Cocorigoo - Changama
Kraii - Afrikaan (has been killed while crowing ?  )
and thanks for Marie-Hélène Hayles for refference
[Edited at 2008-02-29 14:42]
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Paula Mangia Garcia Terra
巴西
Local time: 13:33
正式会员 (自Feb 2008)
Italian意大利语译成Portuguese葡萄牙语
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ivo abdman wrote:
Thanks I found in the site
Kukulushu - Oshindonga
Cock-a-doodle-do - English
Kokora - Heraro
Kikeriki - German
Umsindo - Zulu
Kukurukuu - Damara
Kokokoo - Tswana
Cocorico - French
Cocoricoo - Portugese
Kraii - Afrikaan
Cocorigoo - Changama |
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In portuguese is more "Cocoricó" that is also a tv show.
http://www.tvcultura.com.br/cocorico/index.htm
[Editada em 2008-03-07 02:53]
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The translation workplace 
