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Corona quarantine diary
论题张贴者: Mervyn Henderson

Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
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Yes, but.... Jan 2

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

We had booked the Basques' birthday lunch for today

... for whose birthday, please? Birthday of the Basque Nation or the birthday of an Irish expat living in the Basque part of Europe?


 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
西班牙
Local time: 11:37
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Explanation Jan 3

You're right, Matthias, I should explain, and I'll explain with a conversation between the Basques and a third party I overheard only yesterday:

They thought I couldn't hear them, but I did, you know. They always think I can't hear them, but I heard them, so I did. Well, I heard little snippets ... " ... yes, that may be so, but, you know, we think he's getting worse, not better. We're not even sure he should be out of the straitjacket, doctor. What is all this stuff about the Basqu
... See more
You're right, Matthias, I should explain, and I'll explain with a conversation between the Basques and a third party I overheard only yesterday:

They thought I couldn't hear them, but I did, you know. They always think I can't hear them, but I heard them, so I did. Well, I heard little snippets ... " ... yes, that may be so, but, you know, we think he's getting worse, not better. We're not even sure he should be out of the straitjacket, doctor. What is all this stuff about the Basques, anyway? I mean, you've seen One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, haven't you? And about the PC ... he's always on about that frigging diary of his. We don't think he should be allowed access to a computer at all, quite frankly, doctor."

And I heard the doctor say, "What? Take away his PC? Take away his world? Take away the very thing that keeps him going in here? Think, for God's sake. Think!"

And I smiled in my delirium. It was going to be all right.
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Dan Lucas  Identity Verified
英国
Local time: 10:37
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Could be wrong, but... Jan 3

Mervyn Henderson wrote:
We're not even sure he should be out of the straitjacket, doctor. What is all this stuff about the Basques, anyway?

...I think a basque is a kind of self-imposed straitjacket used by ladies to accentuate their natural charms?

Dan


Chris S
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Mervyn Henderson
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Matthias Brombach  Identity Verified
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Local time: 11:37
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I got it now... Jan 3

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

And I smiled in my delirium. It was going to be all right.


... and they released me too from my bast-made straitjacket, to put up work again. Happy Birthday to everybody, who is or was celebrating Birthday today or in the last days.


 

Chris S  Identity Verified
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The Basques Jan 3

I have often wondered why Mrs H is the Basques plural. Did she eat another Basque one day in a fit of pique because her prawns had been cooked the wrong way up? Is she just so typically Basquettish that she represents an entire independently-minded fish-obsessed people? Are there actually two of them? Twins? Or is it just all part of the riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma that is Mr H’s fertile imagination? Perhaps it’s better not to know.

By the way, did someone just
... See more
I have often wondered why Mrs H is the Basques plural. Did she eat another Basque one day in a fit of pique because her prawns had been cooked the wrong way up? Is she just so typically Basquettish that she represents an entire independently-minded fish-obsessed people? Are there actually two of them? Twins? Or is it just all part of the riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma that is Mr H’s fertile imagination? Perhaps it’s better not to know.

By the way, did someone just say James Bond?

[Edited at 2021-01-03 17:02 GMT]
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Why indeed? Jan 4

Nothing so sinister, Chris! My sole criterion, as is the case with everyone here, is that private life is just that, private, and no need to air it. I air it in private with people I choose to air it with. Some of you know my situation and some don't, and we all do the same. The plural was just something I started, because it could mean family unit, concubinage or whatever, but really it was nobody's business but mine, so I left it ambiguous. I had it like that at the outset for the sake of prec... See more
Nothing so sinister, Chris! My sole criterion, as is the case with everyone here, is that private life is just that, private, and no need to air it. I air it in private with people I choose to air it with. Some of you know my situation and some don't, and we all do the same. The plural was just something I started, because it could mean family unit, concubinage or whatever, but really it was nobody's business but mine, so I left it ambiguous. I had it like that at the outset for the sake of precisely that, ambiguity, but I think I'll keep it that way anyway.

If we restrict it to ProZ, I know nothing about most people's family situation here either. In the same way certain people know more about me, from those private contacts I know more about their lives, but I say nothing about theirs on here, and I expect them to say nothing about mine. There's no reason to say whether the company I keep is a woman, a man, several of either of or both, a dog or a cat or a goldfish, or whether there are children around.

[Edited at 2021-01-04 07:23 GMT]
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Chris S  Identity Verified
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Discretion Jan 4

I absolutely get that. I too am the sole of discretion. The stories I could tell about the wild parties and general Bacchanalia that go on down my street. Even now in the Age of Covid. But I keep shtum. I would never kiss and tell. It's a matter of respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Which reminds me of the time the unnamed couple next door had an American houseguest, a well-known singer, that's not giving anything away is it, and the three of them, well, it seemed to start with this blazing ro
... See more
I absolutely get that. I too am the sole of discretion. The stories I could tell about the wild parties and general Bacchanalia that go on down my street. Even now in the Age of Covid. But I keep shtum. I would never kiss and tell. It's a matter of respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Which reminds me of the time the unnamed couple next door had an American houseguest, a well-known singer, that's not giving anything away is it, and the three of them, well, it seemed to start with this blazing row by the pool about how much coke they had left, it was all "I've got more grammies than you, girl" and "Oh, no you ain't, sista" for about five minutes, and then a deeper "What's up, pussycats?" and a purred "Hey, big spender, what's occurring?" and a still outraged "At least I'm a natural woman" followed by the sounds of a catfight erupting and then being broken up, and a pacifying "Surely, babe, you're better than this?" and a clenched-teeth "Don't call me Surely!" and a rolled-eyed "And you too, Urethra..." and a snarky "How many times do I have to tell you, it's not Ureth..." followed by a bitchy "Franklyn, my dear, he don't give a damn" and so on and on and on, and you know these three all have pretty big voices, yet suddenly they are drowned out by the little fella who lives the other side of me who emits what I can only describe as a 'phonic boom and "Will you three show some respect! All I'm asking for is a little respect when I get home!" which elicits a piqued "Hey, that's my line!" which takes us neatly back to the beginning, albeit rather obscurely.

Now you can read what you want into all that, or not as the case may be, but as you can see I never name names. What do you mean I've put my foot in it? I told you, I'm the sole of discretion.
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Mervyn Henderson
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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I'm a sole man Jan 4

Not once but twice, Chris. Sole? Sole? You really are looking at a Level 3 or worse, not seen for some months now. You is so setting yourself up, sunshine (as, although it's just a guess, the kids say today). But I loved it, and so did everyone else!!! Sometimes I actually believe you do live next to Tom Jones ... oh, bollocks, there, it's gone, pussy cat's out of the bag now.

P.L.F.Persio
 

Chris S  Identity Verified
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Sole man🙄😂 Jan 4

To be honest, I was going to make it more directly about feet or fish, but ran out of time and energy and ideas.

It’s hard making stuff up. I should leave these things to the experts...

(OK, full disclosure: I admit I did have to check it was actually soul😱)

[Edited at 2021-01-04 17:33 GMT]


Mervyn Henderson
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Not a bait? Jan 4

Oh no, I thought that sole of yours was deliberately after some Tombait. Angling for it, in fact. I thought I'd get that one in before the Punmaster General swung by ...

But there are wirds like that, aren't there? - I write them down, look at them a bit later, and think What? You can work out whether it's cords or chords after a certain period has elapsed, but at the time you don't even think about it.


Chris S
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Hake man Jan 7

Because the hake I did myself the other day only scraped an "acceptable" on the Foreign Person Kitchen Report which has to be sent to the Basque Government's Department of Culinary Excellence and Unattainable Standards whenever Johnny Foreigner attempts a local dish, I was asked (well, not so much asked as told, really) to look on yesterday while it was prepared by the local experts, this time with red peppers.

I learnt about portions, presentation and plate contents. I was given gr
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Because the hake I did myself the other day only scraped an "acceptable" on the Foreign Person Kitchen Report which has to be sent to the Basque Government's Department of Culinary Excellence and Unattainable Standards whenever Johnny Foreigner attempts a local dish, I was asked (well, not so much asked as told, really) to look on yesterday while it was prepared by the local experts, this time with red peppers.

I learnt about portions, presentation and plate contents. I was given grim warnings on cooking temperatures, batter texture and consistency, and the dos and don'ts of garlic. My little snigger at that last one was met with a steely glare. Did I think this was funny, at all? Really? Because you can just remain ignorant if you want to, you know. Of course I didn't, of course not.

But it was definitely much better than mine in the end. Apparently the secret is in the little bubbles that should come out at the sides of the battered hake as it is gently fried. It looked even better to me after a certain quantity of Ruinart and Bordeaux had been consumed, whereupon Barry White was put on the CD (you know what I mean), and dancing ensued in the lounge to "Can't get enough of your hake, baby".

[Edited at 2021-01-07 09:27 GMT]

[Edited at 2021-01-07 09:28 GMT]
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Alexandra Scott  Identity Verified
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Local time: 05:37
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Please come through to the lounge! Jan 7

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

"...and dancing ensued in the lounge to "Can't get enough of your hake, baby".


How truly delightful!


P.L.F.Persio
 

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Local time: 11:37
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D Generation Jan 7

Thanks, Alexandra. Well, that's the awwww-sweet version. You know what happens when drink has been taken. The CD was playing "You've lost that loving feeling" later on, and it degenerated into "Should I stay or should I go?", and it didn't play anything at all no more once the fish pan had been thrown at it. Doncha just luv New Year?

Still, we all saw the funny side in the end. And so it was hake and potato soup today (with all the fishy bits cleaned off the head and the backbone an
... See more
Thanks, Alexandra. Well, that's the awwww-sweet version. You know what happens when drink has been taken. The CD was playing "You've lost that loving feeling" later on, and it degenerated into "Should I stay or should I go?", and it didn't play anything at all no more once the fish pan had been thrown at it. Doncha just luv New Year?

Still, we all saw the funny side in the end. And so it was hake and potato soup today (with all the fishy bits cleaned off the head and the backbone and the skin). Two meals from one buy. Sorted.

[Edited at 2021-01-07 21:36 GMT]
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Donkeys and elephants Jan 8

Down for the paper. Trump, Trump, Trump. Do you know, I was half-expecting him to ring, but he didn't.

Melania did, though. She whispered urgently, "Don't tell anyone about our conversation, Mr Henderson ..."

Jesus. That hot Slovenian accent. And purred all pussycat pussy in one's ear down the phone, too. I rushed to set her mind at ease:

"Don't worry, Mrs Pussycat, I mean Mrs President, Mrs Melania, Mrs, Madam, Ma'am ... I mean, whom would I tell this to .
... See more
Down for the paper. Trump, Trump, Trump. Do you know, I was half-expecting him to ring, but he didn't.

Melania did, though. She whispered urgently, "Don't tell anyone about our conversation, Mr Henderson ..."

Jesus. That hot Slovenian accent. And purred all pussycat pussy in one's ear down the phone, too. I rushed to set her mind at ease:

"Don't worry, Mrs Pussycat, I mean Mrs President, Mrs Melania, Mrs, Madam, Ma'am ... I mean, whom would I tell this to ...?"

She purred again. She was all purr, this woman, let me tell you. A whole lot of purring going on:

"Mr Henderson," she purred. Yes, I know, you've already heard the purr bit, and I've heard a lot of purring in my time, God help me, because I've spent time with pussies and purring, but I don't mind telling you the Slovenian purr was a big purr, a purr I'd never heard before ...

"Mr Henderson," she purred. "Wait. Just you wait ..."

...



[Edited at 2021-01-08 10:22 GMT]
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Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
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Snow joke Jan 10

OK, so that title is worthy of The Sun, but I couldn't think of anything better.

Our Coronavirus News has now turned into the Madrid Snow and Ice News + Coronavirus News. Last night someone was reporting from Madrid city centre, amid scenes of snow ploughs clearing snow, people shovelling snow from pavements outside businesses, and cars sliding around on ice between mounds of snow. Cut to somewhere else in Madrid, with scenes of snow ploughs clearing snow, people shovelling snow fro
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OK, so that title is worthy of The Sun, but I couldn't think of anything better.

Our Coronavirus News has now turned into the Madrid Snow and Ice News + Coronavirus News. Last night someone was reporting from Madrid city centre, amid scenes of snow ploughs clearing snow, people shovelling snow from pavements outside businesses, and cars sliding around on ice between mounds of snow. Cut to somewhere else in Madrid, with scenes of snow ploughs clearing snow, people shovelling snow from pavements outside businesses, and cars sliding around on ice between mounds of snow. Out into the mountains around Madrid, and we have scenes of snow ploughs clearing snow, people shovelling snow from pavements outside businesses, and cars sliding around on ice between mounds of snow.

Experts were on hand, as usual, to analyse this sudden cold snap. An expert on snow told us that snow tends to build up after it has been snowing for some time, and that large amounts of snow create havoc on streets and roads. An expert on ice told us that ice is dangerous because large amounts of it create havoc on streets and roads. An expert on closure of airports due to snow and ice told us that Madrid's Barajas airport had to be closed due to snow and ice, because snow and ice create havoc on runways. All three agreed that temperatures would be right down due to snow and ice, because snow and ice are associated with cold weather only.

Hasn't anyone heard of gritter trucks? Why don't they just salt and grit the roads and streets like everyone else? Mind you, all this is steadily moving up north from the capital, so we'll see how smart we all are up here when that happens.
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