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Off topic: Funny bulletins 论题张贴者: GeoS
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GeoS
Local time: 02:01
Greek希腊语译成English英语
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This is an e-mail received from a friend. Thought it was funny and I wanted to share...
Have fun...
Church bulletins
These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------------- <... See more This is an e-mail received from a friend. Thought it was funny and I wanted to share...
Have fun...
Church bulletins
These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Hope this made you smile...
Have a nice day. ▲ Collapse
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4leavedClover 
保加利亚
Local time: 02:01
English英语译成Bulgarian保加利亚语
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Thanks a lot for sharing!
The "new campaign slogan" went straight to my Top Ten List!
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Colin Ryan (X)
Local time: 01:01
Italian意大利语译成English英语
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| Where is this church, exactly? | Nov 3, 2010 |
I think I'd like to worship there.
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Thanks for sharing
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| Thankyouthankyouthankyou! | Nov 3, 2010 |
It made my day...
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The religious world today needs this type of community!
Soonthon Lupkitaro
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Vitals
立陶宛
Local time: 02:01
English英语译成Lithuanian立陶宛语
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| Not funny at all | Nov 3, 2010 |
I would even say a lot of it is sacrilegious. I wonder why the moderators allow such stuff to be published. Probably because most of the churches have deteriorated to the level where this is funny even to the believers.
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Rebekka Groß (X)
Local time: 00:01
English英语译成German德语
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maryblack
美国
Local time: 18:01
正式会员 (自2013)
Spanish西班牙语译成English英语
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My fav: The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Thanks for sharing!
Hristina
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GeoS
Local time: 02:01
Greek希腊语译成English英语
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主题发起人
I was really delighted that most of you found it funny. Of course, not everyone found it funny and I must apologize to Vitals. This "bulletins" were not meant to be anything more than what they really are..."funny language accidents that lead to unexpected results" and that's how they were treated (in most cases) by the parties involved too. In any case, I am sure a moderator reviewed this and did not find it offending in anyway. However, if I DID offend you I do apologize, that was not my inten... See more I was really delighted that most of you found it funny. Of course, not everyone found it funny and I must apologize to Vitals. This "bulletins" were not meant to be anything more than what they really are..."funny language accidents that lead to unexpected results" and that's how they were treated (in most cases) by the parties involved too. In any case, I am sure a moderator reviewed this and did not find it offending in anyway. However, if I DID offend you I do apologize, that was not my intention.
Best regards,
G. ▲ Collapse
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Colin Ryan (X)
Local time: 01:01
Italian意大利语译成English英语
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| God has a sense of humour too, you know. | Nov 3, 2010 |
Vitals wrote:
Not funny at all.
I would even say a lot of it is sacrilegious. I wonder why the moderators allow such stuff to be published. Probably because most of the churches have deteriorated to the level where this is funny even to the believers.
Come on, Vitals, lighten up. Give unto Proz what is Proz's
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ryancolm wrote: Vitals wrote:
Not funny at all.
I would even say a lot of it is sacrilegious. I wonder why the moderators allow such stuff to be published. Probably because most of the churches have deteriorated to the level where this is funny even to the believers. Come on, Vitals, lighten up. Give unto Proz what is Proz's
Ditto. Those are, presumably, taken directly from church bulletins around the country/globe. If you're gonna lay blame, then lay it on their authors, who are probably upstanding church members who wouldn't be caught dead writing something sacrilegious.
And f you'll all pardon my going a little off-topic: Isn't it great that if someone is going to be a follower of Jesus, they have all kinds of choices of what kind of organization they prefer to be involved with, from the most utterly staid and solemn to the most hair-down, cut-loose informal and everything in between. There is something for everyone. So, yeah, like lighten up dude.
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GeoS wrote:
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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Oh I love this one!
Thanks for sharing!
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