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eng2chi 英国 Local time: 22:18 English英语译成Chinese汉语 + ...
Jul 4, 2008
自去年加入proz,好几次的英翻中翻译比赛都参加了,但都三甲不入。幸好,通过参与比赛,得以见贤思齐;透过观摩高手技艺,得以取长补短。可以说每次都有些领悟。这次的比赛,有幸能成为第一,首先要感谢前几次的参与者特别是获奖者,他们的优秀范例,对我起到了指导和提携作用。正因为如此,对于一些Proz的新手与后来者,我建议若有时间可参与到这样的切磋比赛中... See more
首先提一个很令人惭愧的硬伤,在 “Their work overalls were faded” 这一句中,overalls是连身工作服的意思。有趣的是,在我和第二名的译文中,都错把overalls当成副词,这其实是很粗心的错误。但排在后面的译文都正确地处理这个词。这其实对赛制有两点启示:应该强制要求参赛者替竞争对方挑错,从而能够让更多的错误浮现出来,并且参赛者的评分应该权重更大;非参赛者作为评审,可能以为未亲身参与翻译,对原文译文并不一定斟酌得最仔细,给的评分权重应该低一点。
继续分析这一处所在的句子,可以说它是全篇中难度相当集中的一个代表句,“Their work overalls were faded, the sofa cover—unchanged for years—was faded, their memories of the people they had been before coming to England were fading too.” 原文作者用"faded","faded","fading"串成排比,铺陈父母作为小人物的落寞惨淡。有几份译文试图在译文中保留排比的韵脚,其他版本选择不受拘泥,各得其法。另外,这一句第三子句里“the people they had been”也容易造成处理不当,有一两个版本的处理可能就稍欠精准。原文其他容易误译之处,还有第二段中“lying there on the canvas, trapped in a double-finger interlock or clutching his kidneys in agony”。而第二段的后部,好几个句子可说语幽意深,译者要准确表达出内涵外延也不容易。像 ”If only he did these things, chances were, wrestling being what it was, that he would triumph.“ , 像”The triumph was mainly one of survival.“ 从中可以看到大家百花齐放的处理手法。
像这类文学题材,原文在意境营造、文采渲染、以及哲思深省上皆匠心独运。翻译除了要准确,恐怕要在遣词造句、文丛字顺上跟着有些讲究。 就拿第一句”Winters used to be cold in England. We, my parents especially, spent them watching the wrestling.“来说,我个人觉得英文这种插入语结构,要变成中文,其实容易带来支离破碎的感觉。 当然,原文文章描述最翔实生动的地方,恐怕还是是第一段的后半部分,很逼真地勾勒出了父母那一代为五斗米而活的辛酸劳累。有这样好的原文蓝本,各个译文容易出彩的地方也比较集中在这一部分。读到entry 4的 ”忍耐着点,她们说服自己,这点疼不算什么“,我甚至想起郑智化的歌。的确,文章所要突出的,就是那种”这点疼算什么?“的感觉。 我个人还特别欣赏Robin Zhang的整篇译文,在精准和文采上堪称上上品。像”卻只為了一份微薄的收入而蹉跎了他 們人生中的大好時光。“ ”一輩子做牛做馬,背駝了,手腳也染了風溼,就連指節也變得殘缺不全。“,都是对原文很形象生动的翻译。我也很喜欢 Forrest Liang 在译文后加上的” 谨以此译文致献四川地震灾区人民。不抛弃、不放弃,你们会的,我们知道。“,情景很吻合,很令人有所感触。
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